So, Now I Know He’s A Sex Addict! Should I Stay Or Go?

JoAnn Do you experience true intimacy with your husband Larry now? Has Larry changed? I know you said that healthy sexual intimacy is not programmed into a sex addicts brain, but is it possible to change that? Can the compulsion to have sex slowly dissipate with years of behavioral therapy? I thought that many of you may be wondering the same thing, so I decided to post my reply here so that you could all see my answer. A Sex Addict, with determination and motivation , can change the choices that they make. A Sex Addict can learn healthier ways of dealing with emotional pain and stress and they can shed some of their deeply ingrained anger over childhood traumas with intensive therapy. They can recondition themselves to enjoy healthier, although less exciting, forms of sexual expression and they can learn to overcome some of the shame and guilt that they feel about sex. I know this is possible because my husband Larry has accomplished all of these things.

Neulia, by Compulsion Solutions

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I had never heard the term Sex Addiction, but it only seemed logical that if someone was doing something harmful to a relationship that they swore they wanted.

Relationships expert Paula Hall says the partners of sex addicts need specialist help of their own. Eight years into her marriage, Rachel started to wonder if her husband had lost interest in sex. My life fell apart. Sex addiction hurts partners in a way that no other addiction can, says Paula Hall, who has written a book on the subject.

The NHS has a website page dedicated to sex addiction. Traditionally, most partners of sex addicts have been treated as co-dependents, says Hall. The reality for most partners I see is that they experience phenomenal shock. No wonder many partners suffer trauma, which can lead to depression, anxiety and panic attacks, rage or utter dissociation. Hall believes these partners need help of their own — hence her book, which is essentially a self-help guide, covering three broad areas: understanding sex addiction and why it hurts partners so much; repairing the damage it has caused to the partner; and finally, helping the partner to work out whether the relationship can survive and, either way, how to move forward.

Also providing a haven of hope is the small, but growing, number of support groups. Joy Rosendale, a sex-addiction therapist specialising in partner work, instigated the first one in the UK back in , following her own experiences. Rosendale starts each week support group by educating the women about sex addiction.

Couples who make it work generally take a three-pronged approach, says Hall.

FAQs for Partners of Sex Addicts

Check out these top 10 warning signs: 1. Enter the internet, where the ever-changing, largely free buffet of online porn keeps many addicts well fed, says Robert Weiss, LCSW, founder and director of the Los Angeles-based Sexual Recovery Institute. How long before the nastiness kicks in? Just like with other types of addicts, he may need increasing amounts of sex to feed his high.

Also watch out for strange monthly charges even if they seem innocent, Paz advises. Studies show that sex addicts often have multiple addictions.

For a sex addict looking for help, the first therapy session or step meeting can be petrifying. Many of us expected a shadowy cabal of.

Finding out your partner has sex addiction can be a painful and devastating revelation. In a time of such high emotion whilst facing many uncertainties, knowing the future of your relationship can seem like the most urgent issue. It is important not to take the decision of whether to stay or whether to leave lightly and consider all the factors at play here. And of course if you have children, you will want to take their feelings and their welfare into account. It is crucial to try and get yourself into a strong position before approaching the difficult task of making the decision of whether to stay with your partner or leave the relationship.

Before exploring the possible reasons to stay in the relationship, it is important that each individual understands what it means to stay in a relationship with a sex addict. The simple fact of the matter is that often addiction never fully disappears. They may get to a place where they are leading a happy life and feeling more in control than ever but the reality is they will probably still have to work at managing triggers and maintaining recovery.

Recovery is a process, not a magical stop-button, and it varies from person to person. At first glance it may appear that there is a larger list of reasons to leave than reasons to stay. Separation can have a devastating effect on children and leaving will change their lives forever.

Dating a sex addict completely changed me… for the better

Call 1. Sex addiction, at base, is an intimacy disorder. These may take the form of neglect, abuse, abandonment or the absence of an appropriately nurturing caregiver. Sex addiction , in particular, creates a sense of excitement and pleasure, while simultaneously ensuring emotional distance and avoidance of true connection—the kind of intimacy that can leave one open to being hurt.

You say you want to get over the relationship, not get out of it, so I’m assuming you are already out of the relationship. Relationships with sex addicts, depending​.

The men and women seated around me, legs crossed and arms folded, draped over orange plastic chairs, would see right through me any second now. Even though I was staring down at the floor, I could feel their eyes burning in to me. They had serious problems, not me. The more I listened to the stories of the people around me, the more I realized that I was in the right place. The way that I see it, sexual addiction is more about shame, isolation, adrenaline, and unworthiness than it is about chasing after sexual experiences.

Compulsive sexual behaviour is what sex addicts use to numb out their emotions, just like alcoholics often use staying drunk to avoid feeling their underlying difficult emotions. Sexual addiction, just like any drug addiction, can have a sliding scale of symptoms — ranging in severity. The consequences can be fatal. With sex addiction, each addict defines what their acting out looks like and what sexual sobriety means to them. In fact, any addictive or compulsive behaviour could be easily categorized with one simple litmus test… do you find yourself consistently doing something that you do not want to do?

You decided to give up drinking and here you are, alone in your bedroom, half way through a bottle of vodka. You decided to give up having anonymous sex and here you are putting on your pants after a quickie with a total stranger.

3 Reasons to Date Someone Who Has Recovered from Sex Addiction

You’ve been hanging out with this guy for a while and everything is great. That’s what you tell people. The truth is, everything is not so great. Things he says and does don’t add up. When you’re together, there is often something forced, even fake, about how he relates to you. Maybe you’re beginning to find out things about his sex life that he has tried to hide.

Though most of us know it from tabloids, love and sex addiction is a very real affliction that affects a lot of people. But what is it, really?

Excessive ogling is not healthy for either partner — especially when sexual addiction is involved. Can looking be considered a compulsive behavior — one associated with sexual addictions? Science says that checking someone out is driven by an evolutionary mechanism rooted in our biology and the quest for the right mate to ensure offspring, says Robert L. Trivers in his famous Parental Investment Theory , which predicts which sex will be the fast, indiscriminate mating sex and which sex will be the more discriminating sex.

This is particularly significant for sex addicts. Maybe you are that guy. The one who rubbernecks while driving to look at an attractive woman. Men are visually-based creatures and respond to what they see more strongly than women, and science says that this behavior is rooted in evolutionary biology. For someone with sexual compulsion, looking takes on more obsessive energy that feels like it is almost impossible not to look. Our clients notice during these times that they stare the longest and fall more deeply into a trance.

Oftentimes they are not even aware that they are staring at somebody. Wives or partners of sex addicts often complain about this looking behavior — and how they feel it reflects on them.

This is what it’s like to be a woman with a sex addiction — and what everyone gets wrong about it

Just as an alcoholic continues overdrinking even when it does her harm, a sex and love addict seeks out emotional and physical fulfillment from others, even when it hurts her. Some addicts say they primarily have a sex addiction, while others lean toward the love addiction side of things. Either way, explains Linda Hudson, LSW, co-author of Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts , a sex and love addiction describes a pattern of relationship behavior that is compulsive, out of control, and continues despite the consequences.

Dale entered rehab for sex and drug addiction (he was also a cocaine addict). He had weekly therapy sessions and went into a step.

Signs you are dating a sex addict For older women: faqs for anyone to love? Check out. Beyond shoring up with sexual addiction. Are some form, here are eight signs follow them: 7 of addiction is hard to recognize the signs: 1. More about the long-term. All likelihood, until you know that some form, without actually talking about sex addicts can be dating a sex addict? Here are you are unable to not so great. Recovering sex addiction.

How to Deal With Sex Addiction In Relationships: Relationship Advice


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