He joined the online dating site OKCupid six years ago, about three years before he transitioned. He dates men and women, both transgender and cisgender a term for people who aren’t trans. While some have criticized OKCupid for showing people false or manipulated content as an experiment, the site’s failure to accommodate transgender users may be a larger and more long-standing ethical dilemma. In , an online petition asking OKCupid to accommodate trans and genderqueer people received more than 1, signatures. LaMon has noticed that his male and female OKCupid profiles get different matches. LaMon wasn’t alone in his discontent. Sleidi said that she is “very gay,” and some of her transgender friends are uncomfortable using OKCupid.
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Dating is the worst. Part of me is tempted to say this is universal—that everyone kind of hates it. But maybe not. In any case, dating has sucked for me. Looking back, it seems dating was much easier when I was a cis-gendered female, rather than it is now that I am an out trans guy. In my case and perhaps for many trans folks , going online for potential romance felt like a safe first step in cultivating my new, authentic self—in being able to reach out to others as the man that I was and am.
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How can trans people best navigate the modern dating world? Finding love as a queer person is hard enough, throw gender identity on top of that and dating might seem impossible. Most of my friends and I use dating apps to meet people, hook up, and date. Hearing about people being afraid of or not open to dating a trans person is just one reason why it is so hard to date as a trans person.
And even though I have heard it many times before, it is still hard to confront. I looked at eight popular dating sites to see which are the most gender inclusive. Most stick to the gender binary, forcing people to state that they are either male or female, with no other options. Some have a variety of sexualities to choose from, and some have a combination of options for gender and sexuality. Even once we have been able to select the appropriate identities for yourself and the people you are interested, many trans people still might feel obligated to disclose that they are transgender explicitly in their profiles or early in the conversation.
But it often seems like the second you tell someone in the dating world that you are trans, their entire view of you changes. But if we tell the person on the other end that we are trans, the person may end the conversation in a huff. Some trans folks might disclose that they are trans early in the conversation with someone they are interested in dating. Sometimes I disclose my gender identity pretty early in the conversation and they stop messaging me immediately.
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Forums and social networks enable people to come together around shared interests and causes. For transgender people they can also be an invaluable source of community. TransFriendly A virtual meeting place where all kinds of conversation can take place in an environment that is trans friendly. The Transgender Boards An open transgender community discussion forum providing help, support, and information to transgender people and their significant others, family, and friends.
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When I was a kid and had yet to learn about transgender people , I would sometimes visit chat rooms and tell everyone I was a boy. Meeting people there was a harmless, liberating exercise that allowed me, for a few hours, to be who I truly was. But inevitably, after three or four conversations, I would feel a friendship was becoming too intimate to lie to the other person.
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This page is always under construction. I will continue to add more links when I can. Note that numerous links specific to binding , packing , hormones , shaving , clothing , and shoes can be found within the individual sections on this site. For additional resources, please also see the FTM Books page , which features FTM and transgender titles, as well as books about men’s topics such as shaving, barbering, and style.
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We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information. Join today! He has been really down lately and convinced that being alone for the rest of his life is a foregone conclusion. I won’t accept that!!! I want to compile a list of trustworthy and legitimate FTM dating sites and present to him. This includes sites where he can even meet other FTM’s for friendship as well. He is romantically attracted to women.
Any suggestions you have would be greatly appreciated!!!